YOU and ME, A Separate Entity

Please know that I imagined my life with you.

I'll wake you up in the morning caressing your face and whispering in your ears, "Honey, wake up." We'll both prepare for work. You'll cook our breakfast or maybe I will depending on whose in the mood. Or if we're not in the mood, we'll just grab anything that's edible. We'll never have to worry about that because we're made to be flexible in all aspects of our relationship.

We don't need to call or text each other every now and then because we both know that what we need is to focus on our day jobs. But we'll both be excited to get home and talk about our day because we know that constant communication is what a lasting relationship needs.

Some other nights you'll be out late, you'll hangout with your buddies. You'll drink some beer, smoke some cigarette. Some other days, I'll be the one who'll spend quality time with friends. We don't need to mess with each other's social life. You could accompany me at times and vis-a-vis. But a girl's night out or a boy's night out is strictly followed. We are at ease because trust is our foundation. There are no set rules we are simply faithful with each other.

On certain days that we are both too lazy to do things, we'll just lie in bed and talk or sleep or read or listen to music or simply just lie down and do nothing. Each other's presence is enough because we both know that we don't need anything or anyone.

We'll go out on a date, it maybe seldom but it will be a different kind of date like visiting a museum and admiring certain art pieces or going in a place where there is "nothingness". We don't do the cliches, because we look for something different and something extraordinary. Something that will keep the relationship going and not boring. 

We'll go on different places, we'll experience different cuisines and cultures. You'll take pictures and we'll write our stories. Each and every piece of our experience will be recorded because we want our story to be told, to inspire, to motivate, to encourage.

We'll be doing the things that we want the most and we'll experience the world together both its ups and downs, all its compassion and cruelty, all its happiness and sadness. Everything that it will throw at us we'll surely face it head on because we are in it together.

But sadly, all these are just made up situations. All these are the "could have been". All these are just hopes that will never be met. All these are just ideas. Because all these are the things that we want but sadly fate does not allow us to do all of these and to experience all of these. Because now we are not in this together. You have your battle and I have mine. We started as "you" and "me" and we ended up like that again. There is no "us" once more.

Exit From An Escape

Seeing you walk away

My heart couldn't do anything but sway

With you, I wanted to run and never falter

But I know the moment's not mine to alter.

We have a life that would never fit.

At least not now, that's our defeat.

Two people bound with another,

It's not yet our time to be together.

It was always a bliss

when I am with you.

But after the kiss,

the pain always comes through.

Should I tell you?

Will I ever get to tell you?

Cause it was "Goodbye."

That I last hear from you.

From here, we will stop

and gradually it will create a gap.

I fear that you'll forget

Yet, there's nothing that I regret.

The words that I keep and you long to hear 

It will never get us anywhere.

I will just write it down for you

In the simplest way, I love you.

Samahang Ignatians

Muntik ko ng makalimutan kung gaano ba kasarap ang makasama at makakwentuhan ang barkada. Sa mahabang panahon (tatlo, apat o limang buwan), ngayon ko lang napansin na matagal ko na din palang hindi nakakasama ang mga taong noon ay palagi kong nakikita at halos pagsawaan ko na ang mga mukha. Namimiss ko ang pagtawag niyo sa akin ng hindi ko alam kung dapat ba akong tumingin, namimiss ko ang tagay na halos puno na ang isang baso, namimiss ko ang ka-unlihan niyo :D, namimiss ko ang pagtatampo niyo sa tuwing magpapaalam ako para umalis, namimiss ko ang tawa at mga halakhak na naiiwan sa hangin sa tuwing tayo ay magkakasama, namimiss ko kung paano tayo mag-gaguhan,

Nasan na nga ba ang barkada? Hindi ko lang ba maramdaman dahil sa sobrang dami ng ginagawa o sadyang nawala na ang dating samahan? Para 'to sa inyo IGNATIANS, miss ko na tayo!:))

Sa loob ng apat na taon, nakasama ko ang barkada. Nakilala at tunay na minahal. Sa loob ng apat na taon, nalaman ko kung paano ba dapat makisama sa mga taong sa una ay hindi ko naman talaga kilala at maituturing na tunay na mga dayuhan sa aking paningin. Para sa inyo, pang habangbuhay kong itatagay ang sarap at saya ng ating samahan.:))

Diverted.

I feel so INVISIBLE and yet I feel just so fine. Sick days do give me very good rests. This is a total disengagement from life's relentlessness which is too much of an irony. Aside from enjoying this "vacation", I also wonder how much I am losing or (maybe) gaining from this whole resting thing. Who knows? I think I'll just maximize the benefit of being home. I'm getting used to it somehow. Soon, this will be over. I am looking forward to it while I am busying myself with nothing.

*ciao*

White Paper

--------------------------SAY WHAT?----------------------------

I am always blank.

Nothing comes out or even comes into my mind. It is like everything turns this little meat inside my skull to be numb. It lacks out of neurons that's why I am playing idle all the time. The only battle I have to face is to think of how I would exist each time I am inside the battle field of my own life.

I am blank. I have nothing to talk about and I have nothing to feel. Maybe, everything is lost and everything just have to snap back into what it is used to be. It is a plain old justification of living dead. Maybe, I am just like a zombie or a puppet maybe, fully controlled by the surroundings and by the people around.

I am always blank.

I am wanting to do one thing but then again I always go against it. The pains of this existence have brought so much chaos and I get to think, "Does this prove anything at the very least?". Maybe the answer is no, it si just a full stupidity of wanting to avoid things and wanting to avoid feelings but it all boils down into meeting them, unconsciously.

I am always blank. And then I realized, I am just too tired. I am just too preoccupied and absorbed by things, by changes, by attitudes, by everything I mean.

I am always blank and this really needs a good rest.

*Ciao.*

01-31-10

As I read through every posts I have written(typed) last year, I cannot help but wonder why is that the same feeling would pierce me while I read each line. This time it's totally different and that is the reason why I am completely annoyed and disturbed by the sudden spasm of everything.

I could not deploy all things out. Maybe I do understand how that happens but what I could not explain was the part where I have to answer the question "why". I have long stayed and I fully stated my reasons, opinions and stand. Nevertheless, people have a difficulty understanding the sanity or maybe insanity of my decisions. They can never adjust to my childish thinking that is why they just let the feeling escape and along with that, they also opt for a choice that I never have spoken of, tearing all things apart and run off.

It's mind boggling and it puzzles me so much, that all I can think of is to try to break loose. Leaving behind or hanging on were neither the easiest nor the most difficult part. Its the time wherein you have to decide for yourself, on whether you have to let go or you have to give up. And for a person like me, usually we choose to let go instead of giving up. After all, we cannot blame the circumstances, the place, the time, and especially the person involve. In the first place, we all have our choices. I have my choices and they have theirs. No one can take that away from them and from us. If their choices go askew with mine, then so be it. It's just that we should have the courage to let the things and decisions we have long installed in our mind come to reality and of course, to take the risks of such decisions.

In the end, no one has to suffer. I believe it will always be a blessing for everyone,for we will continue to gain learning whenever such load of craps have to affect our lives. We only have two things to think of; whether you'll keep in line or break free, and you have to have a wise choice

HAPPY NEW YEAR

This might be a little too late but perhaps I can still greet everyone a Happy New Year. 2010 is up and I am hoping for better things to come this year. Though the feeling seems to be ironic, this should not ruin the common notion that we everyone should start the year right.

Pre-Christmas Greeting

Nothing to post, nothing to write. Christmas is nearing, (actually 2 days are all we are waiting for now).

HAVE A VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Chaotic End of Drama

The sudden outburst of everything seemed to overwhelmingly perturb me in a manner that not even a split second could turn away the drastic-but-unchanging circumstances. The memory of the past had traveled with me through the icy glass of yesterday that I thought have been long lost and broken. But the truth struck me, glass can be repaired though imperfect, the image can still reflect no matter how torn into pieces it maybe.

It felt like years but it was still clear, so clear that it looked confusing but my conviction didn't fade--NO, not at all. The spasm of fear and anger and sadness occurred to me like a flash of thunder moving every nerves within me, it ceased my system to work but my mind still lingered on something crucial and unnecessary.

Suddenly, I have to move out. I have to escape warily within every hole without leaving any mark of annoyance, anxiousness, grief, hatred and love. Some things are better left unsaid, some things are better off without and some things are far off to what you had imagined it to be. There are certain and vivid hallucinations that run thoroughly in the core of my mind. Existence can never be this prevailing but it can never be this undesirable.

There are echoes of voices I am hearing but I choose which sound to listen and understand. In the end, the only thing that matters and will matter is the sanity left within me after I saw the chaos outside my world. It was tragic but after months, weeks, days, hours and seconds of musing led me to invulnerable state where no one but me has the ability to penetrate and resolve the issues that separate the beginning from its ending.

Incapacitated Mind

The world, at some point, will not fit and will look unbelievably small for persons to be at the same place at the same time. And even the shortest lapse of time could cause invisible but forcible explosion. It is an unbearable concussion that only those parties could feel. And decisions are crucial to let the coldness give in.


Making decisions is far off easy when no one is to be perturbed by what you are going to do, but sadly, often than not there are people which are to be affected and raked up. And when that moment comes, you just not decide for your sake but you also consider the other person. It is a horrible thought how you let others be left in the open to wander while you are being trapped by the burden of making such decision. It is too complicated to just let a blind, unmindful decision on the way especially if a big prize is at stake.



Recently, I have to go on making a (not so big) decision but enough to affect the small world that is revolving around me. It was just an awful time to push through especially if each and every thing tend to screw up. At that very moment, I was to make a decision without even the slightest concern for myself, but entirely I was making a choice for the sake of someone. I  must admit that I usually favor what others prefer and ignore my side. But this time, I try to imagine what if I consider myself first and try to be selfish even for once. Maybe, there would be freedom and less worries.



As fickle-minded as I am used to be, I am in practiced of changing my mind about something and that makes me vulnerable to any indecision. In that case, I usually turn to adopt into some people's decision and locked me up into a place where I could not enjoy myself anymore. Pretensions lie on the line and nobody knows.



What do I get from this one? Clearly, I should not blame anyone for this attitude of mine (but maybe if they will look less ominous then I might be straight forward). Though, I do not know if I could change this, at the very least, I learned that saying 'NO' at times could help you. Being submissive requires the right time and situation but it should not be at all times. If they don't understand why you had such answer, then they really do deserve the answer that you've given them.



Ciao.

String of Thoughts

At the start, the idea of living does not penetrate in our minds. We didn't mind it, not at all. Oblivious as we were before, humans exist to fill the world with just breathing mortals but as we moved through the sane phases of our lives, we build  up the curiosity and anxiety to discover greater things beyond what our eyes can see.


*breathe*


When all things turn into a blur, nothing and no one could simply understand why the heck of a hell you do things you should not be doing; all you have to do is to take a deep breath. It would not simply go but it's just a minuscule way of reminding yourself that you are still breathing and existing. And that is too much of whim to worry about stupid craps that are happening on your life.
It's just so good to have my thoughts and ideas be transferred and be weaved into words. It's a plain rambling and ranting but of course with a taint of limitation. A thin line between private things and the world of chaotic dramas and admiration still subsists and continue to linger.


*breathe*


Knowing too much is scary just the same as knowing only certain information, you tend to be clouded by visible illusions or worse you can be doomed by the crucial information. So where do you think we should stay in the middle of perplexity and distraught? We, people, usually just ignore things so to live without a doubt that you're doubting each and every possibility.
Remember that complications are almost often worse than the root of the disease.It saturates the whole system into a dead-like mind that gradually fluctuates and then die.


*breathe*


If to put the weight on something that does not deserve such violent or sweet treatment, would you bother to give them the idea of wanting them to stay right where they were standing? Or would you prefer to let them feel the indifference that circles the depth of the relationship you have towards that person?
Honesty puts us into controversy that neither one's self nor  the person of his affection could fathom as instant like the way the hand of a clock tick-tack its way through a minute.


*breathe*


Difficult as it is, we struggle to live for the slightest idea that we will soon die. The actuality is that we are doomed to live our life up to our limit.


*terminated*


Ciao.

Maturity Depletion

To grow is something which, maybe, all of us have wished during our childhood days. Praying so hard that time would fly you to the future wherein you don't need anyone, the time where you seem not so fragile to go on your own, the time that you won't depend your whole life to someone but yourself. The vision of ourselves reaching that dream or more over desire is far beyond the simplicity that the dream engraved in our minds. It is more of complicated than we could ever think of.


I have spent several years here on earth but it's just now that I am able to ask myself, "Have I really grown?". I tend to flash back with the past and see what had changed but it seems to violate the saying which states that "Change is the only permanent thing in this world". I don't feel any change even the little details. Was that applicable to everyone? Or maybe I am not really supposed to live in this world but I belong to somewhere else.


I do grow and when I say grow, don't think of it as an understatement. Physically, I do. Emotionally, maybe. Spiritually, still the same. Mentally, I don't know. It made me wonder how others would act as if they are older. Their thinking is very critical, full of wit, diversified, and sometimes complicated for me to understand. But how come I am still like this? I don't think the way they do. Though there are times that I tend to think differently, maybe it is more of a deviation rather than abnormality. Maybe, this little meat inside my skull was not able to get its full size and maybe that's the reason why it doesn't work that well. I grow physically but my mind is being left behind by the way my body grow. It is not proportional.


Now that I am this tall and big, I wonder how things will work for others who are wishing that they were still young or to those children who are wishing to be as old just like us. Will something change? I guess things will work complicatedly and cruelly. It will not be proportional and never be proportional if it will happen. The stages that we are going through are necessary for survival in this life. We cannot go back to old days, to the development that we had once passed through. All we have to do is to look forward and find ourselves to where are feet should be set and develop the kind of life we wanted. I sometimes wish to go back to childhood, to correct things, to change everything. But as I've said when I look back, I don't think something had changed about me. I am still like that little kid whom I used to be with when I was seven or eight. Easily distubed by things and often seeks answer to so many questions.


Life throws us lots of difficulties, battles that we must and should fight back. If we retreat, it doesn't mean we are afraid of the fight but we are well aware of the danger that the battle have brought us. If we are defeated, we don't lose hope but we move forward because we learn from what happen. And the next time that we have to step on the battle field, we need to prepare so to be sure that the battle will be ours to celebrate, not for once but for a lifetime.


Ciao.

Makabuluhang Lunes

Isang ordinaryong Lunes para sa mga ekstraordinaryong bagay. Maaring normal yun sa iba pero masyado ko yatang napagtuunan ng pansin ang mga bagay bagay sa paligid ko ngayong araw, katulad din dun sa iba pang piling araw na (wala lang) naisipan ko lang makialam, makisimpatya o kaya simpleng curiousity lang talaga sa mga nakapaligid sakin. Mahirap din naman kasi na basta na lang baliwalain yung mga simpleng bagay dahil sa mga maliliit na yun naman talaga nag-uugat lahat ng mga malalaking bagay. (Tama?)


Simulan ko na ang mga kwento ko. Masyadong mahaba at pwede ka talagang mainip sa pagbabasa nito o kaya naman hindi mo na talaga tapusin.hehe.


Unang Kwento: Mga alas dose na yun ng tanghali, pauwi na ko sa bahay namin. Napakainit ng araw at talaga namang tumatagaktak na ang pawis ko sa loob ng dyip na sinasakyan ko. Wala naman akong pamaypay kaya pinagtiyagaan ko na yung kapirasong papel na nakuha ko sa isang forum nung umaga din ng araw na yun. Napakadami pang kulang na pasahero at kailangan pang punuin yung dyip para makaalis na kami. Ibig sabihin mas madaming pawis pa ang kailangan lumabas sa katawan ko, at hindi pa ko nakakatikim ng tubig simula pagkagising ko (ibig kong sanihin ay yung inumin, nakaligo na ko nan ha!). Makalipas ang mga 15 minuto ay napuno din sa wakas yung dyip, makakauwi na din at makakakain. Whew!


Nagkekwentuhan yung mga magkakakilala, yung iba ay kumakain na sa loob nd dyip dahil sa sobrang gutom, meron din nagsa-soundtrip at yung iba naman ay nanonood lang sa mga taong nasa loob ng dyip (isa na ko dun,hehe). Habang abala si manong drayber sa pagdadrayb para makalagpas sa masikip na daanan papuntang hi-way eh biglan naagaw ang atensyon ko at pati na din ang iba pang pasahero ng dyip. May isang lalaki o babae (hindi ko masyadong nakita kung ano ba talaga siya) na nakaharan sa unahan ng dyip at basang basa yung damit niya. Sa ilalim ng santing na sikat ng araw ay merong taong basang basa, nakapagtataka diba? Tapos bigla kong napansin na may nagsasaboy sa kanya ng tubig. Hindi para paliguan siya kundi para paalisin sa harapan ng tindahan niya. Tumalab naman ang ginawa ni aleng tindera, lumayo siya pero nanatili pa din itong nakaharang sa dyip. Tapos may kuya na lumapit may dalang patpat tapos pinalo niya sa may pwet yung lalaki o babae(?).Paulit ulit niyang ginawa yun. Hindi ko alam kung malakas ba yung pagkakapalo, hindi ko na din kasi natingnan dahil naaawa ako dun sa tao. Basta ang nagrehistro sa isip ko eh "naririnig ko yung slap", kaya naisip ko eh baka malakas nga.


Pangalawang Kwento: (senaryo pa din 'to sa dyip) Dahil isang publikong sasakyan ang dyip at talaga naman na magkakadikit kayo eh hindi mo maiiwasan na makinig sa usapan ng may usapan kahit pa ayaw mo talaga (o kahit gusto mo talaga).


May dalawang lola na magkasunod na pumasok sa dyip. Pasalamat nga ako sa kanila kasi sila ang dahilan kung bakit nakaalis na kami. Napakaingay ng isang lola at pamali-mali pa. Konting preno, konting galaw eh kung ano-ano ng sinasabi. Nakatuwa siya, talagang di ko mapiilan matawa pag nagsasalita na siya. Pero sa kabila nun pagpapatawa niya eh may sense naman iba niyang sinasabi. Naawa din siya dun sa lalaki o babae(?) at sabi pa niya hindi dapat ginaganun yun dahil tao din yun, gumagalaw. At isa pa, sabi din niya sa kausap niya na nakakaawa daw yung mga nasalanta ng bagyo. Napanood daw niya sa tv yung mga kabaoong/puntod na inanod ng baha. Sabi pa niya parusa daw yun sating mga tao. (nagblangko na utak ko nung sinabi niya yun).


Pangatlong Kwento? may isa pa sana akong kwento pero may mga bagay na kailangan na lang itago sa  sarili. Basta ang masasabi kolang dun sa dapat na pangatlong kwento eh may mga bagay na kailangan natin gawin o kaya naman hindi dapat gawin para makasanayan natin o kaya para hindi natin makasanayan.


Sa mga naibahagi kong kwento, wala man dating sa inyo ay talaga namang tumatak sa isip ko ngayong araw. Lalo na yung unang kwento. May mga tao lang talaga na hindi pinagpala o kaya hindi nabiyayaan ng buhay na katulad nung sa iba, yung kahit papaano ay nakakaluwag. Kahit pa siguro anong hakbang ang gawin ng gobyerno natin nagyon ay wala pa ding mangyayari. Dahil unang-una ay hindi naman sila gagawa ng paraan para umaan ang buhay ng mga taong katulad niya.


Ciao.

A Call of Duty

I woke up this morning with the same aching head just like last night. But this was different because it was now caused by a  long sleep (laughs). I had to wake up early so as to catch up with the 8:00 AM mass and thanks to the random thoughts and worries(?), I pushed myself to get up to bed before I could decide against going to mass.


Same views welcomed me just before I get in the church; families starting their Sunday with a mass, couples sitting together, hands intertwined, waiting for the mass to start over (most of these couples were teenagers), children running along the front yard/garden of the church premises, choirs on their uniforms (whatever they call it) sitting relaxed in their bench, lectors, acolytes, sacristans and priests preparing for the mass and of course, people like me who unconsciously loves observing how the world goes around her.


When the mass started, I was in deep focus on the ceremony. I completely detached myself from all those observations and try, as much as possible, not to look anywhere aside from the altar. But to my surprise, the altar caught my attention, swinging me back from the musing or wonderment of how things flow here on earth. There was an assistant to the priest. We call it seminarista, a person who is pursuing his profession to be a priest. And the question hit me like a child seeking for an answer, the difference is that a child does not know when an answer is vague enough to doubt the reasons why. And I doubt the reason I have in mind. The question is, how do they realize that they want to serve Him? When did they realize that and how did it hit them? Is it the love for religion or is is a true devotion that they want in their entire life?


For 18 years of my existence, I met some people who once entered a seminary and left. Contesting "before" that they really wanted to be a priest but then, along the road of the so-called life, they met the woman who made them realized that they were not supposed to be a priest but a father to the sons/daughters that the woman is going to bear. Funny how things go for some like that. Maybe, at some point of their lives, they really wanted to be of service to Him as a priest who preach the the teachings of God. Or may be it is just a test for them, if they really wanted to be like that? It is really confusing and mind boggling.


Despite of all those reasons or questions perhaps, I end up with a resolute explanation just to satisfy myself (laughs). My conclusion is that those persons whom we now call priests and had been ordained by the church are those people who did not found the happiness outside church. But they sought it upon studying and learning things about Him. I actually salute the priests because they survived life like that. One of the noble profession, indeed. Even though it bothers me why priests choose to be priests, I still salute them for taking that path. Maybe, we all have our own roads to take and that is the road meant for them.




Ciao.

Missed Chances

I am such a lucky person, that's all I can think of.

Imagine these scenarios: a son/daughter lying on the floor of their so-called home (home means a small four-walled structure made of plywood and a galvanized corrugated metal roofing)  and gripping his/her stomach because of hunger, teenagers having their smoking and drinking session, families who don't have a place they can consider home, out of school youths engaging themselves in illegal doings, little children asking for alms along the streets and more gruesome circumstances that is prevalent in the Philippines. I am sure you are familiar with each scenario and maybe you had the chance to see one of these on your way home. I really could not imagine my life like that, it's burdensome and complicated. Sure most of the times we don't care about them or if we do it will only be for a moment when we have the chance to mingle with them or upon hearing their touching stories.  Actually, I salute those people who persist on living despite of their critical and vulnerable situation. If I were them, I had long given up my life considering the hardships, the sufferings and the torments. Living in that kind of life is never easy, it is full of uncertainties.

It is aggravating to see these things and to think that it is rampant here in the Philippines. It made me realize that I am a way luckier than any other people because I have this and that which they cannot afford. I am lucky because I haven't only got a place I can really call home but I am sure that this so-called home could really provide me protection and sanctuary. I am lucky because I have the chance to attend school. I am lucky because I do not starve. I am lucky because I have money. I am lucky because of so many unappreciated reasons. I rant about insignificant matters and inconsequential things but I don't ever bother to think about those people who have nothing but their faith to hold on to.

I wonder why we end up like this. Is it rooted on the innate behavior of people or does it come from the people who are leading our country? If only the government would not focus more on their hidden vicious agendas but instead pay much of their attention to these people who is in need of their help, maybe somehow we can uplift the Philippines. Their acts would be much appreciated if they set aside their political desires. As much as it is easy to say, I am completely aware that for them it will be a great challenge especially if their minds have been thoroughly corrupted by money and power. But I do hope for a change even if it is gradual at least change happens.

Ciao.

Battle of Beliefs

For almost two months, I was contemplating on how religion has the propensity to challenge every human life into diverging or converging in a certain faith and beliefs. Clearly, religion has an immense impact on humanity that it plays an inevitable but I must say is also a considerable issues, creating confusion and skepticism in our minds. And now, it particularly affects my being. The point of views and beliefs of different religions deviate from each that made them entirely different. Its spectrum hasn't narrowed down but it broadens over time into an aspect unreachable and sometimes unreasonable for us to understand. Affecting so much, too much of everything. Is it worth the prize or the war?

I was baptized as a Roman Catholic and none of us have ever tried to partake into other religion until now. One member of our family decided to have himself converted to Muslim. I really have nothing against what he had done but the others might have some angst and can be narrow-minded. I could not imagine how things will work out for them without even questioning the other person with his chosen path and religion. Having a different religion within the family, I could not amass the misunderstanding that may occur because for one, our family have been long dedicated to Catholicism. Difficult as it is, like a child trying to have his first few steps. Observing how things worked for them now, it looks looks to me that they are like children who are scared for the first day of school because afraid of the stereotype scenario that they would not gain friends and nobody would like them. It is a pretty much starter.

Two months ago, I pay no attention to whatever religion one may have. It was not a big deal for me as long as that factor does not affect the relationship that I have with that person. Now, I still goes for me that way but  little changes occurred in my very eyes. I now play as an adviser for my father. He questioned my uncle about his conversion and he will rant about that issue every now and then. In the corner of my mind, I think he should not try to mind whatever the real reason for uncle's conversion and this put me into a lot of explanation. Everyone of us have our own preference. So what if he's a Muslim? Nothing has changed, he's still the same old person that we used to  know. I guess it was just merely the thought of him having a change of heart that inflicted the others the thought that he had changed. But as for me, I know my uncle so well that I don't doubt any of his attitudes now. Maybe he had different beliefs now, he calls his god differently but that's just all. I still consider him as my second father among others.

Religions can be very diverse. There is really no single belief that will cause this world to merge. Respect is all we need to have understanding despite of  our differences. If there are no differences that exist in this world, we will learn nothing and we will experience nothing. Learning comes from meeting people which has a different language from us. And so, beliefs are never meant to be questioned, it is meant to be understood. no matter what religion he has, what beliefs one holds, where country he comes from, what language he speaks, what he eats and what he does not; this only falls into a thin line of differences which unites us all. A world of diversity that inflicts us learning.

Ciao.

Concealed Paranoia

Wow!

I guess that is a good sign for one person to back off and give up a thing that was never meant for him/her to have. The cup of coffee which has long been untouched is finally found by its owner. The warmness of the beverage is truly intended for that one person.

A system could be easily addicted by the coffee. The view of it could already consume a whole being. But lucky for one to at least find the cup of coffee.

[The aroma was close to perfection, the taste might be as well, but the cup of coffee slipped out of my hand even before I could sip at it. ---No, it didn't slip out at my grip at all because I wasn't holding it. I never did, it was just an utter thought. Solely registered in my mind.]

Ciao.

November Holidays

It was a typical Sunday morning, the weather is sultry and the sun was bright not like what I had been expecting. The news reporter just announced the other day that the tail of the storm "Santi" would still be playing its part in giving torrential rains and wind blows today but forecasts can also go askew. May be even storms can have a sudden change of heart or way, perhaps the latter may apply better.

This day might be less like extraordinary until I felt my back aches and boom! something caught me giving me a real quick head start. I realized I just gained the prize of helping my grandmother in cooking her specialty which is the Sinukmani (it is a kind of kakanin that is made up of brown sugar, rice and coconut milk). Granny would always cook this kakanin when our families are coming. So, how's this connected with the extraordinary thing? Well, the date tells it all... All Saints' Day have approached its 'festivity' this year.

The first of November holds an unbreakable tradition every year; families are reunited, old friends meet, people absolutely got a break from the world full of the breathing, vulnerable humans. Few days before this much awaited (?) day approach the season, people will visit and clean the tombs of their loved ones who left the earth much much earlier than them, so to speak. They will also buy flowers that is to be offered on the grave of those who passed away. And of course, foods will never be absent on the line of the what-to-bring-in-the-cemetery list. Preparation for this day seemed to be necessary just like how people prepare for the Christmas season yearly. On the day of the visit and one whole day stay in the said place, people will offer prayers and the other customary things will follow. The cemetery will look more like a park full of people having their picnics and non-stop chatting, be it meaningful or mundane, rather than a cemetery which should been silenced and honored for the solemnity that it holds. But I think this is an exchange for the one year silence in the cemetery. One day of blare would not hurt the spirits or may be it would (smiles).

All of these traditions may have become trivial and insignificant,  moreover these things become a practice that none of us would notice that the holiday is meant for 'them'. The true meaning and essence of this very day is not shared and felt. Despite of all the efforts and the plannings, All Saints' Day and All Souls' Day are considered holidays for us to remember that despite the absence of our loved ones, they still linger. May be these days are also a chance for us to remind them that they are not forgotten. I do not say that we do not follow the same things that is mentioned above but what I say is we should understand that the celebration of this could still be possible without all of those mundane things.

Ciao.

Caught in the Middle

"Most of my high school life, I concentrated in achieving scholastic excellence. Getting recognized mattered to me because I know it would mean better job opportunities and gaining the respect of my fellow students. My work paid off and I was seen as a top notcher. Little did I know that I was trapped. People expected me to perform well and I felt I need to prove to them my genius. I was under intense pressure to maintain good grades. The pressure was slowly suffocating me. I thought, what will happen if I fail? Would they still respect me? Would I still be accepted? My heart yearned for freedom from always struggling to satisfy people’s expectations. The more I climbed higher in the ladder of excellence, the more I became dissatisfied and I sensed the emptiness of my life. Is this the purpose of my life? When I die, will medals and awards even matter? Am I vainly working myself to death? On the outside, I was rich with certificates and awards, but on the inside, I was poor."

an excerpt from: http://news.southcentralluzonconference.org/johan.html

While I was browsing the net, I happened to dropped by in a schoolmate's page in multiply and I find this quoted lines where she also got from some other person's profile. I was not able to read the whole story of the girl but the very thought of what was written above clearly explains why this had caught my attention.

There's always more than getting good grades, aiming for the best and proving yourself to other people. What is it? Being your entire self and enjoying the goodness and captivating beauty of life. You'll never prove something if you'll just continue to live under the shadow of perfections. Sometimes, the best people are molded by the number of failures they have done in their lives. Excellence pays off well if you know what it means and what it is for. Being excellent must be a reward for one's self and not for others.

Ciao.

The Prize of Being Home

I can feel the bum days. I have been idle for about three long days and this makes me sick (much to my surprise). I have never been this unproductive until now. I thought that this much awaited sem break would be so much rewarding for me but I was a bit wrong with it. May be I am on the verge of getting the kind of rest that I want but I miss doing stuffs with friends like hanging in a mate's apartment, wasting our time doing nothing, non stop chatting, etc. Being home does not provide me so much things to do and the feeling really sucks. Life is kind of monotonous and all gray. I watch television, I surf the net, I eat and then I sleep. What do you think will happen to me if I continue to live this life. (laughs) Probably, I will look  like a pig with a big big tummy.tss. However, I am still trying to enjoy this time because sooner (not later definitley), I will have to suffer again with academic pressures and all. I must not ruin the chances that life has given me to fully enjoy this short break (laughs).

Guess, I just have to fully and completely submerge myself in this all time resting, eating and idling. It will only be for two weeks or so, better  have it than not.

Ciao.