White Paper

--------------------------SAY WHAT?----------------------------

I am always blank.

Nothing comes out or even comes into my mind. It is like everything turns this little meat inside my skull to be numb. It lacks out of neurons that's why I am playing idle all the time. The only battle I have to face is to think of how I would exist each time I am inside the battle field of my own life.

I am blank. I have nothing to talk about and I have nothing to feel. Maybe, everything is lost and everything just have to snap back into what it is used to be. It is a plain old justification of living dead. Maybe, I am just like a zombie or a puppet maybe, fully controlled by the surroundings and by the people around.

I am always blank.

I am wanting to do one thing but then again I always go against it. The pains of this existence have brought so much chaos and I get to think, "Does this prove anything at the very least?". Maybe the answer is no, it si just a full stupidity of wanting to avoid things and wanting to avoid feelings but it all boils down into meeting them, unconsciously.

I am always blank. And then I realized, I am just too tired. I am just too preoccupied and absorbed by things, by changes, by attitudes, by everything I mean.

I am always blank and this really needs a good rest.

*Ciao.*

Incapacitated Mind

The world, at some point, will not fit and will look unbelievably small for persons to be at the same place at the same time. And even the shortest lapse of time could cause invisible but forcible explosion. It is an unbearable concussion that only those parties could feel. And decisions are crucial to let the coldness give in.


Making decisions is far off easy when no one is to be perturbed by what you are going to do, but sadly, often than not there are people which are to be affected and raked up. And when that moment comes, you just not decide for your sake but you also consider the other person. It is a horrible thought how you let others be left in the open to wander while you are being trapped by the burden of making such decision. It is too complicated to just let a blind, unmindful decision on the way especially if a big prize is at stake.



Recently, I have to go on making a (not so big) decision but enough to affect the small world that is revolving around me. It was just an awful time to push through especially if each and every thing tend to screw up. At that very moment, I was to make a decision without even the slightest concern for myself, but entirely I was making a choice for the sake of someone. I  must admit that I usually favor what others prefer and ignore my side. But this time, I try to imagine what if I consider myself first and try to be selfish even for once. Maybe, there would be freedom and less worries.



As fickle-minded as I am used to be, I am in practiced of changing my mind about something and that makes me vulnerable to any indecision. In that case, I usually turn to adopt into some people's decision and locked me up into a place where I could not enjoy myself anymore. Pretensions lie on the line and nobody knows.



What do I get from this one? Clearly, I should not blame anyone for this attitude of mine (but maybe if they will look less ominous then I might be straight forward). Though, I do not know if I could change this, at the very least, I learned that saying 'NO' at times could help you. Being submissive requires the right time and situation but it should not be at all times. If they don't understand why you had such answer, then they really do deserve the answer that you've given them.



Ciao.

String of Thoughts

At the start, the idea of living does not penetrate in our minds. We didn't mind it, not at all. Oblivious as we were before, humans exist to fill the world with just breathing mortals but as we moved through the sane phases of our lives, we build  up the curiosity and anxiety to discover greater things beyond what our eyes can see.


*breathe*


When all things turn into a blur, nothing and no one could simply understand why the heck of a hell you do things you should not be doing; all you have to do is to take a deep breath. It would not simply go but it's just a minuscule way of reminding yourself that you are still breathing and existing. And that is too much of whim to worry about stupid craps that are happening on your life.
It's just so good to have my thoughts and ideas be transferred and be weaved into words. It's a plain rambling and ranting but of course with a taint of limitation. A thin line between private things and the world of chaotic dramas and admiration still subsists and continue to linger.


*breathe*


Knowing too much is scary just the same as knowing only certain information, you tend to be clouded by visible illusions or worse you can be doomed by the crucial information. So where do you think we should stay in the middle of perplexity and distraught? We, people, usually just ignore things so to live without a doubt that you're doubting each and every possibility.
Remember that complications are almost often worse than the root of the disease.It saturates the whole system into a dead-like mind that gradually fluctuates and then die.


*breathe*


If to put the weight on something that does not deserve such violent or sweet treatment, would you bother to give them the idea of wanting them to stay right where they were standing? Or would you prefer to let them feel the indifference that circles the depth of the relationship you have towards that person?
Honesty puts us into controversy that neither one's self nor  the person of his affection could fathom as instant like the way the hand of a clock tick-tack its way through a minute.


*breathe*


Difficult as it is, we struggle to live for the slightest idea that we will soon die. The actuality is that we are doomed to live our life up to our limit.


*terminated*


Ciao.