Incapacitated Mind

The world, at some point, will not fit and will look unbelievably small for persons to be at the same place at the same time. And even the shortest lapse of time could cause invisible but forcible explosion. It is an unbearable concussion that only those parties could feel. And decisions are crucial to let the coldness give in.


Making decisions is far off easy when no one is to be perturbed by what you are going to do, but sadly, often than not there are people which are to be affected and raked up. And when that moment comes, you just not decide for your sake but you also consider the other person. It is a horrible thought how you let others be left in the open to wander while you are being trapped by the burden of making such decision. It is too complicated to just let a blind, unmindful decision on the way especially if a big prize is at stake.



Recently, I have to go on making a (not so big) decision but enough to affect the small world that is revolving around me. It was just an awful time to push through especially if each and every thing tend to screw up. At that very moment, I was to make a decision without even the slightest concern for myself, but entirely I was making a choice for the sake of someone. I  must admit that I usually favor what others prefer and ignore my side. But this time, I try to imagine what if I consider myself first and try to be selfish even for once. Maybe, there would be freedom and less worries.



As fickle-minded as I am used to be, I am in practiced of changing my mind about something and that makes me vulnerable to any indecision. In that case, I usually turn to adopt into some people's decision and locked me up into a place where I could not enjoy myself anymore. Pretensions lie on the line and nobody knows.



What do I get from this one? Clearly, I should not blame anyone for this attitude of mine (but maybe if they will look less ominous then I might be straight forward). Though, I do not know if I could change this, at the very least, I learned that saying 'NO' at times could help you. Being submissive requires the right time and situation but it should not be at all times. If they don't understand why you had such answer, then they really do deserve the answer that you've given them.



Ciao.

Caught in the Middle

"Most of my high school life, I concentrated in achieving scholastic excellence. Getting recognized mattered to me because I know it would mean better job opportunities and gaining the respect of my fellow students. My work paid off and I was seen as a top notcher. Little did I know that I was trapped. People expected me to perform well and I felt I need to prove to them my genius. I was under intense pressure to maintain good grades. The pressure was slowly suffocating me. I thought, what will happen if I fail? Would they still respect me? Would I still be accepted? My heart yearned for freedom from always struggling to satisfy people’s expectations. The more I climbed higher in the ladder of excellence, the more I became dissatisfied and I sensed the emptiness of my life. Is this the purpose of my life? When I die, will medals and awards even matter? Am I vainly working myself to death? On the outside, I was rich with certificates and awards, but on the inside, I was poor."

an excerpt from: http://news.southcentralluzonconference.org/johan.html

While I was browsing the net, I happened to dropped by in a schoolmate's page in multiply and I find this quoted lines where she also got from some other person's profile. I was not able to read the whole story of the girl but the very thought of what was written above clearly explains why this had caught my attention.

There's always more than getting good grades, aiming for the best and proving yourself to other people. What is it? Being your entire self and enjoying the goodness and captivating beauty of life. You'll never prove something if you'll just continue to live under the shadow of perfections. Sometimes, the best people are molded by the number of failures they have done in their lives. Excellence pays off well if you know what it means and what it is for. Being excellent must be a reward for one's self and not for others.

Ciao.