Maturity Depletion

To grow is something which, maybe, all of us have wished during our childhood days. Praying so hard that time would fly you to the future wherein you don't need anyone, the time where you seem not so fragile to go on your own, the time that you won't depend your whole life to someone but yourself. The vision of ourselves reaching that dream or more over desire is far beyond the simplicity that the dream engraved in our minds. It is more of complicated than we could ever think of.


I have spent several years here on earth but it's just now that I am able to ask myself, "Have I really grown?". I tend to flash back with the past and see what had changed but it seems to violate the saying which states that "Change is the only permanent thing in this world". I don't feel any change even the little details. Was that applicable to everyone? Or maybe I am not really supposed to live in this world but I belong to somewhere else.


I do grow and when I say grow, don't think of it as an understatement. Physically, I do. Emotionally, maybe. Spiritually, still the same. Mentally, I don't know. It made me wonder how others would act as if they are older. Their thinking is very critical, full of wit, diversified, and sometimes complicated for me to understand. But how come I am still like this? I don't think the way they do. Though there are times that I tend to think differently, maybe it is more of a deviation rather than abnormality. Maybe, this little meat inside my skull was not able to get its full size and maybe that's the reason why it doesn't work that well. I grow physically but my mind is being left behind by the way my body grow. It is not proportional.


Now that I am this tall and big, I wonder how things will work for others who are wishing that they were still young or to those children who are wishing to be as old just like us. Will something change? I guess things will work complicatedly and cruelly. It will not be proportional and never be proportional if it will happen. The stages that we are going through are necessary for survival in this life. We cannot go back to old days, to the development that we had once passed through. All we have to do is to look forward and find ourselves to where are feet should be set and develop the kind of life we wanted. I sometimes wish to go back to childhood, to correct things, to change everything. But as I've said when I look back, I don't think something had changed about me. I am still like that little kid whom I used to be with when I was seven or eight. Easily distubed by things and often seeks answer to so many questions.


Life throws us lots of difficulties, battles that we must and should fight back. If we retreat, it doesn't mean we are afraid of the fight but we are well aware of the danger that the battle have brought us. If we are defeated, we don't lose hope but we move forward because we learn from what happen. And the next time that we have to step on the battle field, we need to prepare so to be sure that the battle will be ours to celebrate, not for once but for a lifetime.


Ciao.