Caught in the Middle

"Most of my high school life, I concentrated in achieving scholastic excellence. Getting recognized mattered to me because I know it would mean better job opportunities and gaining the respect of my fellow students. My work paid off and I was seen as a top notcher. Little did I know that I was trapped. People expected me to perform well and I felt I need to prove to them my genius. I was under intense pressure to maintain good grades. The pressure was slowly suffocating me. I thought, what will happen if I fail? Would they still respect me? Would I still be accepted? My heart yearned for freedom from always struggling to satisfy people’s expectations. The more I climbed higher in the ladder of excellence, the more I became dissatisfied and I sensed the emptiness of my life. Is this the purpose of my life? When I die, will medals and awards even matter? Am I vainly working myself to death? On the outside, I was rich with certificates and awards, but on the inside, I was poor."

an excerpt from: http://news.southcentralluzonconference.org/johan.html

While I was browsing the net, I happened to dropped by in a schoolmate's page in multiply and I find this quoted lines where she also got from some other person's profile. I was not able to read the whole story of the girl but the very thought of what was written above clearly explains why this had caught my attention.

There's always more than getting good grades, aiming for the best and proving yourself to other people. What is it? Being your entire self and enjoying the goodness and captivating beauty of life. You'll never prove something if you'll just continue to live under the shadow of perfections. Sometimes, the best people are molded by the number of failures they have done in their lives. Excellence pays off well if you know what it means and what it is for. Being excellent must be a reward for one's self and not for others.

Ciao.

The Prize of Being Home

I can feel the bum days. I have been idle for about three long days and this makes me sick (much to my surprise). I have never been this unproductive until now. I thought that this much awaited sem break would be so much rewarding for me but I was a bit wrong with it. May be I am on the verge of getting the kind of rest that I want but I miss doing stuffs with friends like hanging in a mate's apartment, wasting our time doing nothing, non stop chatting, etc. Being home does not provide me so much things to do and the feeling really sucks. Life is kind of monotonous and all gray. I watch television, I surf the net, I eat and then I sleep. What do you think will happen to me if I continue to live this life. (laughs) Probably, I will look  like a pig with a big big tummy.tss. However, I am still trying to enjoy this time because sooner (not later definitley), I will have to suffer again with academic pressures and all. I must not ruin the chances that life has given me to fully enjoy this short break (laughs).

Guess, I just have to fully and completely submerge myself in this all time resting, eating and idling. It will only be for two weeks or so, better  have it than not.

Ciao.

Life's Cycle

"People come and go", such a cliche but sometimes things that we do not want to believe could happen. It is plausible and could be very untimely, a ricochet bullet. You would not notice it but you can feel its effect so soon that you will never be aware of its capacity to enter and gnaw in what you thought was an unreceptive persona. like venom that slowly creeps into your vain and too often it causes death. lucky if you were able to survive, but what if just what if... your body gives up suddenly. What could be the consequences? it's either you die or you die (PERIOD)

Realizing how short life could be, I also come to the realization that our good moments with other people and the chances we are given to be with them are counted and limited, it is never timeless and not meant to be forever. Maybe,memories are made so that we can somehow go back to the good old days, so that we can remember and we can reminisce. These memories will remind us how good or bad we treated those persons, either we regret it or we become complacent with what we have done to their lives. what part we played and how well or worst we played it. And when they go, do not be sad but at least be thankful especially if you feel and know that you haven't wasted any of your chances. Be thankful because you became part of their lives and them to yours. Accept the changes for you will be used to it sooner than you think. If some people leave, others will come not to compromise for the loss but to keep the cycle going. They will come because they simply have a role to play in your life and when the shoot is over, they will have to go too. I guess it is how things really work. I am not a cynic, I am just a realist. You lose people for certain reasons which you can barely explain. No matter how attached we are to them, goodbyes are necessary in this life.

All of us might be afraid of being left alone and being left behind but nobody will ever be left alone or left behind if we don't let it happen. We could always look for new companions, for new friends, for new people who will understand us and to whom we can relate our lives fully and comfortably. Lastly, we have ourselves. You know what's good when people leave you? It is when you learn to find yourself and to know that you can survive, breathe and function normally without them whom you rely on for what it seems like a century or so. We could be happy without other people because in the middle of every parting, you are alone and hollow but you see, you still continue to exist.

For people who never moved on, it is certainly not the end of your life, let go and live; for people who moved on, good job put in mind that it will never bethe last time that you will have to go through it and for people who will have to move on sooner or later, it is never easy but be tough. Toughness isn't about being unbreakable but it's about standing still even if every part of you seems to be broken.

"When you lose someone, continue to live because you need to see how other stories will end", I'll end up with this line form My Sassy Girl (American version).

Ciao.

*how can you lose someone? death, separation, disappearance*